Spontaneity Aspect of Hygge

The anticipation of a coming event is considered a significant portion of the enjoyment of life.  I thrive on planning and dreaming of upcoming occasions.  The build up, the event, then the memories all make a happening a good memory. 

Yet spontaneity has its pluses.  For one thing, your home doesn’t have to be perfect when your guests are aware that you have not had time to prepare but just wanted to get together. Actually, it doesn’t have to be perfect any time. For another thing we need authentic connections with people in our lives.  I’ve noticed that kids are more likely to ask for and accept spontaneous invitations because they are not concerned about some of the details we care about. 

I’m a planner, possibly even an overplanner, and I usually think structure makes an event run smoothly and increases the odds that everyone has fun.  However, no preplanning, just execution, has its place also.  When my sons were young, we would sometimes have breakfast for dinner – pancakes and bacon – with no fretting just enjoying food we already had at home.  And everyone brought their hearty appetites.  Or running into a friend when shopping and inviting her over for coffee and cookies right now, not some postponed indefinitely future date.  When you invite someone over on the spur of the moment, you implicitly give that friend permission to return the favor when her house also is not perfect.

It reminds me of an explanation Dan Ariely, Duke professor of behavioral economics, wrote as a reply to the question of why Americans don’t seem to be open to having people drop by.  He explained we have a pattern of scheduling “to see someone in seven weeks at 8 pm and everyone gears up for the occasion.  The hosts clean the house and cook something special; the guests dress up and bring a gift.  The whole process demands much more effort, and we therefore do it much less frequently.”  In other countries “friends simply drop by unannounced.  This means that …you aren’t prepared, and no one expects you to be.” He suggests “maybe we should all lower our expectations and raise our appreciation for serendipity in our social lives.”

I’m going to try to be more flexible and tone down my pride.  My life is not perfect.  May as well have some friends by my side.  Let someone drop by.  Connect with your heart.